I am in a race to write everything down. Why is it that my mind is clear with writing, yet words slur and bounce around my mind and mouth before drooling out? What is up with that?
A woman today came in that I have been talking to. She wants to rent the space at the office for a class. She told me a story that brought me to tears and reverberated in my head for hours.
Apparently, as a teen, she got pregnant (as a virgin) and, being from a very small mid-western town, her mom took her to another town counties away to see if she was really pregnant, which she already knew she was. This doctor took her into his office alone and told her that he had to make her have an orgasm before he could tell if she was pregnant or not. He proceeded to molest her with his hand and, because of her innocence, she had NO idea this was not normal. It wasn't until YEARS afterwards that she heard of a doctor doing this and when others were shocked, she realized this was not, in fact, normal at all. Her mother, of course, was horrified when she learned what had happened. I cannot imagine either soul's pain.
When we were chatting tonight, we were talking about a former client as she was sharing that she might want to be a midwife now. She had thought of it before, but her previous midwife was so aggressive and she had no other experience with midwives, that she thought that that midwife's behavior was who and what a midwife is and was. She said tonight that after her baby's birth with me, she realized that not all midwives were the same at all and that she could see herself as my kind of midwife. I was more flattered and honored than words can share!
I spoke about how important it is to let people know... our toddlers... our neighbors... know there are other ways of being. It is so much like when those of us who grew up in shit homes... abused, alcoholic, neglected, whatever... and that is normal to us. Until we are out of the arena and see others' lives, we just don't even think anyone lives any different. Why doesn't the abused child speak out? Because she thinks every girl gets fucked at night! Why doesn't the laboring mom tell the midwife to get her hands off her vagina? Because she thinks that is the way it is supposed to be. NO ONE SAID IT COULD OR SHOULD BE DIFFERENT!
A woman I am talking with about birthrape issues speaks about her mom witnessing the birth and not saying anything and, months into her postpartum work, she asks her mom why she didn't do anything to stop the midwife from hurting her. The mom's answer: Because I thought that was normal... it is what happened to me at my births, too.
It is imperative to create a new normal. Speaking up, voicing the reality, smashing the illusion of truth is crucial to our Spirit's continuity.
It is much of why I write.