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Write First

Each day I promise myself I will write here first and then I blink and the entire day has slipped by. So, this morning, I am writing first.

I've had fevers for 2 days now... didn't yesterday which was nice. I hate that illness is such a focus of my life, but I also hate feeling like crap. I had some really great days and I want an infinite number of those!

I am one big knee-jerk reaction and hate it.

Knee-jerking includes women who try to make me out to look like an ass as a midwife. One list I am on, there are two women in particular who continue egging me on and I am not playing anymore. I answered the questions about my limitations and I will not apologize for having limitations about what I will not take as a midwife. I mentioned that perhaps they would change their tune if they were the one standing there responsible for two other lives, but they seemed to think they would not... that they would support women and be there for them, no matter what.

Well, I won't witness something that I know could be made different by help or assistance. I will not watch a baby die if resuscitation can help him live. I will not allow a woman to bleed to death because she wants to wait and see if God will take care of it. God gave us pitocin, for crying out loud!

Now, if the baby is going to die, I would absolutely Be with the woman and her family. I would be honored to share in the birth/death of their child in a peaceful and loving manner. That is different.

A midwife here recently had a client check out AMA because her baby died (38 weeks) and she went home in labor and called her midwife who came and assisted her having her baby. That is different. I would be honored to be at such a birth.

But, placenta previa? myelomeningicele? triplets? placental abruption? drug addict? active alcoholic? symptomatic pre-eclampsia?


I am sure there are more and should maybe write them down. Is that making my own protocols? Perhaps.

I watched the DVD of Psalm and Zoya's Unassisted Birth (twins, the second is a footling breech) and loved it. I was flabbergasted that the most she said was "fuck" as she felt the baby was feet first. The dad asks, "what should I do?" and she calmly... more calm than I could imagine being... says, "nothing." It was a distinct lesson for me to continue believing that just because they tell us something... that we have to call 911 for a footling breech doesn't make it so. I worry: what if the baby gets stuck? what if the cord is between the legs? Am I fear-based? Brainwashed? Could I do it? I don't know, but the DVD gave me a lot of food for thought.

Okay, I have to answer a woman's post that I forgot to answer yesterday. She is processing her cesarean and I am trying to help her as she does. I am glad she is looking at it.

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