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Hamburger Hootie

* The saddest thing I have seen lately is Darius Rucker (lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish) singing in a stupid cowboy costume for Burger King. Makes me want to weep.

* I still have no fever. Thank God.

* My postpartum gig was interesting. It took some time to get used to the really noisy baby. She just grutzed a lot... 2.5 - 3 minutes at a time, but would fall right back to sleep. I only had to go get mom once during the night and she was ecstatic over that. I slept fitfully, but think I can work with my psyche to sleep through those grutzing periods. The house is amazing. I rarely have seen so much. And it is their rental while their "real" house is being built. The bed I slept in had a Chinese silk comforter cover. The client's bathroom is as big as my living room, dining room, and kitchen put together. I need to sell a lot of books. A whole lot.

* I taught one part of the midwifery classes yesterday - on breeches. I had to study since I know basically what to do, but there was a lot of playing with the baby and pelvis involved. We moved a lot back and forth between shoulder dystocia and breeches; many similarities. Interesting how one of the students brought up putting hands inside the vagina and trying to rotate a lodged head as one of the last ditch efforts at extracting a stuck breech. The other midwife (their instructor) and I hadn't ever heard of that maneuver, but thought it sounded like a dandy idea. Scary as shit, but dandier than a dead baby.

* We talked a lot about Anne Frye's new Holistic Midwifery (Vol. 2) book. I don't have it yet, but need to get it soon. Anne is the Minutae Midwife... detailing the most amazing teeny tiny possibilities anyone ever heard of and then explaining it until nary a noun, verb, or adjective is left on earth to explain it. In our talking about shoulder dystocias, apparently HM discusses if a baby's hands are behind his back... something I never ever heard of ever in all of these years. There were details of how to put your hands inside the mother and find the elbow, for crying out loud, and pulling it in front of the chest. If there was enough room for a hand inside there to maneuver an elbow, there would be enough room for the damn shoulder! There was a line... something along the lines of... "If there is a shoulder dystocia, analyzing why the dystocia is occuring helps determine how to proceed"... something like that. I'll tell you what, unless it is bed dystocia, I don't give a flying fuck why it is happening, I am going to work until one of us dies to get the baby free.

I told the students that HM had too much information to assimilate. That if they wanted to process it all, I suggest some hypnosis or subliminal learning during their sleep cycles. I don't know how anyone would retain that amount of information. Goddess forbid should any midwifery board choose those books to use as study guides for their exams. No one would pass. Maybe not even Anne Frye.

*I'm heading out to buy new scrubs. I keep loaning mine out during inbetween birth times and never getting them back. I miss my Tinker Bell scrubs most of all. I get to shop with the money I got from sleeping and teaching. Woo hoo!

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Reader Comments (1)

I SO agree with you about HM. I feel bad for any student who thinks that she has to carry all the shit that is recommended - or know the hundreds of pages devoted to cardinal movements.

It's just TOO much information. In her quest to be thorough, she has lost so much in what is REALLY important. It's really just Anne, though - if you ask a question, be willing to get an encyclopedia as an answer.

I was really disappointed with the size and content. I could do without about 3/4 of that book, sadly.

March 13, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSage Femme

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