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Tuesday
May102005

Just Thinking Oddly

* I go months and months without nasty letters and in one week get two. Apparently, I hurt someone else's feelings on a list I am on. I re-read the post she spoke about and don't see anything mean at all in it, so I wrote her back (she wrote privately, but cc'd it to the list owner) explaining myself and sort of apologizing if she took what I said in a way I didn't mean it.

I am looking at myself to see if I am being too harsh with my words. I don't think so, but I'm listening. I figure the more out there I put myself, the more criticism is going to come my way, right?

* The other woman who ranted about me on a list emailed me privately and we seem to have come to some peace. She told me how insensitive I was to women's feelings regarding their doctors. I'm trying to be sensitive, but sometimes I feel like I can't win for losing. I'm trying.

* My co-teacher expressed a desire to apprentice with me. We were going to meet to talk yesterday, but she got stuck counseling a doula client (stuck, time-wise) and we had to put it off until I get back from Orlando.

* I am home sick today. I got dressed and drove halfway to work, barfing twice along the way, and then chose to come home again. Sucky, too, because I had a home visit and 2 prenatal visits. The other midwife is going to do the home visit and one prenatal - the other I will cancel until I return. I just did one on her on Sunday, so she should be fine. Complicated stuff I have going, too. I look forward to writing the resolutions.

* I've had a fever for 2 days now. I upped the Acyclovir. I think it is part of the illness I feel.

* How do some midwives adopt an "apprentice" by interviewing someone just once? I think it is -need- more than a desire to teach. A new woman came into the community, but no one knew anything about her. I interviewed her and found her solemn (as a student-midwife described her). I knew she wasn't the apprentice for me. Then, within a day or two, I heard she was apprenticing with another midwife. Very odd to me.

* One midwife went to a birth with only this new "apprentice" and a student. No other experienced midwife. When questioned, she defended it with, "I just felt like everything would be fine." Blessedly, another midwife gently explained the need for two midwives if at all possible. Very odd to me. I couldn't imagine going without someone else equally trained.

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