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Friday
May062005

Slinging Mud

* Midwives have such a high divorce rate. It is very difficult to have a partner that jumps up during dinner, lunch, breakfast, out of the bed (even when not feeling well), out of the sex bed, out of restaurants during anniversary dinners, out of movies, drives back from weekend trips, and leaves everyone's birthday parties at one time or another. As a daughter of a midwife once said, a midwife takes care of everyone BUT her family. It must seem like that much of the time, especially to a spouse or child.

My partner has another life without me. Yet, when I need her for something, she is always there. Always. I was talking to friends, wondering if she were the one throwing a conference, if I would volunteer to work 18 hours at a registration desk to make things easier for her. I don't know if I would be so graceful. She is so kind and loves me so very much. It pains me that I don't show her more, like volunteering to do stuff for her. Is there any way to thank her properly?

* A woman was tirading about how important it was to convince women to cancel inductions and cesareans. It was a rant I couldn't ignore (but should have) and generally spoke about women's choices in birth and when does informed mean informed enough. Just because she hasn't read Thinking Woman's Guide does that mean she is any less informed than we are because we haven't read What to Expect? The woman wrote a thesis back asking me absurd questions... as if I were the midwife who picked veggies in the garden with her client and just daydreamed a positive birth experience and only shared beautiful birth stories instead of any formal prenatal care.

She also interjected a paragraph that she knew my kind of support because she had come to me to talk to me about her horrid first birth experience and I'd been "condescending and demeaning." She said that because of me, she didn't tell anyone else about her birth for over a year, assuming all midwives were like me.

Well, I couldn't just let that sit. I addressed her hurt feelings and then let her know that her decision to not tell someone was just that - her decision. I told her that I never felt condescending or demeaning when I speak to women and opened the door to communication. A door, I am sure, she won't even look at. Some have said she is the walking wounded. She has started her own healing group, but from what I have heard, has a LONG way to go before she can even hear someone.

In the letter directed to me, she also said that my reception led her to UC and she thanked me for that (snottily). I learned she did not UC... she attempted a UC, but went to the hospital. I don't know if she had a VBAC or a CBAC. I will ask. (She had a CBAC)

It's hard working with angry women sometimes.

* Working with the student midwives yesterday, we tested our hemoglobin and glucoses and my Hgb. was a dismal 10.0. I bought a protein drink, some Enriching Greens capsules, Yellow Dock, and an iron I can assimilate (ferrous fumerate). I have to do something. This faint feeling needs to go.

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