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I was at the office and another midwife came and asked me to come and check out one of her women. While this midwife was supportive of me when I didn’t have my license, I had never been asked to assist many of the other midwives. She wanted me to see if I felt a breech baby as she did (she didn’t tell me what I was feeling first) and when I said I found the head high in the uterus, she smiled and thanked me for validating what she also felt.

Apparently, when I got my license in the mail, it came with a big helping of knowledge.

It’s very weird being asked stuff now… and believed. I honestly think that there were people who thought I was lying – that I’d flunked my tests – that I would never have a license. I showed them, didn’t I? All that thought, too, about whether to re-apply or not… did I want to be a part of the establishment after all? While there are parts that are stupid, the answer is an absolute YES, I am glad I have the license. I’m now a REAL midwife. Someone believed in me. (Lots of someones believed in me!)

I sat at a client’s house for about 2 hours before they took me out to dinner at Macaroni Grill. She thought she might be in early labor and felt better with my coming out to check her. She wasn’t dilated, but continued contracting through dinner, but they weren’t any stronger, so I came home.

I’m tired and going to bed after I send this.

I had to clean the office today because the person we hired to do it did not. Grrr.

I spent a couple three hours at the client who had the baby the other day’s house this morning. I had another midwife come and check out her bottom for me because, upon reflection, I thought it should be sutured and she is the vagina expert. When we pulled the pad down, the leaf was sooooo much smaller. I was so reassured! She could take it and put it where it had come from, but it had shrunk so much – at least 3 times – she really felt it should be left alone unless for cosmetic reasons, she wanted it reattached. I told her it gave her vulva personality and that it certainly could get smaller still. Plus, the black tip of the leaf was gone, leading us to believe that it was partly that exact spot that was attached and then a blood blister developed and detached the leaf from her skin.

I second guess myself too much. I kept thinking it really couldn’t have not been there after the birth… that maybe I just didn’t notice it… and even as I thought that, I damn well know what her vulva looked like postpartum! It was so incredibly validating to see the change in the last 24 hours, knowing that there would have been no way for it to have changed so much had it happened 3 days ago. It really did fall away yesterday.

When mom was asked by the other midwife what she thought of her vagina with the shrinking “tag,” my client said, “it’s my vagina… it’s beautiful!” I laughed and loved hearing that!

The baby has a port wine stain on his hand! I’ve never seen one like that before. It’s really beautiful.

I went to Barnes and Noble today looking for the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack (from the movie) – I’ve been looking for it for weeks now – but it was there! Excited, I grabbed it and then, as I was walking away from the soundtrack section, I saw Pippin. Oh my god! Pippin!!! I paid for my cd’s and went to the car and put them in. Oh my god! Pippin!!! I could see my dear friend Paul Wegman (who just died of AIDS) as a drag queen as he coordinated the other drag queens for the opening of the shows on Friday and Saturday nights. I could see it all. I sang my head off to the songs all the way to the office. Pippin!!!

It's where I learned to put on make-up, you know... those drag queens.

I really hope to write at least one or two birth stories tomorrow.

Okay, tired. More tomorrow.

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