I got a message today that the woman who lost her baby through UC wanted to talk to me. I called and left a message for her and she called me back this evening.
She is, indeed, the woman I spoke with at my session during the conference. She wants to process things with me. I am more honored than words can say that she would choose me to speak with. She said she’d been wanting to talk with me since it happened (a few weeks ago). (It’s hard not saying everything… wanting to protect her privacy as much as I can.)
One thing that MUST be said that she said. UCers are going to have cow patties over it, but every UCer I know that lost their baby or had a horrid outcome says the same thing. She says she feels betrayed by the UC community – that they led her to believe it would all be fine – and it wasn’t. She said she is a different woman now. She said she would have a midwife next time.
I explained that almost all of the UCers I know who had bad outcomes have the rest of their babies in the hospital, mostly because of their husband’s desires… that the women wanted to birth again at home, some even alone. She said, “never.”
I shared with her my own pendulum swing from “glorious” hospital birth with Baby 1 to my UC birth with Baby 2… with a shoulder dystocia that required resuscitation and EMS assistance… and then, when I saw that woman die, well, there was simply no going back.
I told her she must not allow the UCers to blame her for not having her house in proper fung shui or that she didn’t pray to the right God, or whatever. That she was absolutely right to take the experience and learn what she can from it… even the painful parts… but that some of the harshest critics will be UCers. I’ve heard this from several other UCers who ended up leaving that community because of their cruelty in the face of their poor outcomes.
Sweetly, she told me she wanted me to be one of her midwives at her next birth. Again, I was honored.
We are going to meet next week for a couple of hours to talk, and cry, I am sure. I’m glad I can be her friend.
So, so interesting how I find myself in this place. Why me? Who am I?