I am taking a few months off from school to focus on infusing *office*
I’m a tad skeered, but keep putting one foot in front of the other and it unfolds as it is supposed to. My brochures are completed today and I have appointments lining up for my Thanksgiving Weekend Special at the beach ($30 for a 20 minute shoot – 5 images on a disc) and I have been asked to do more birth photography and it seems the Universe is rewarding my asking for more money with giving me more money. I need to be more laughing and embracing of it instead of incredulous of her abundant gifts (as well as my own). I look at my photos and blink knowing I am really good at what I do, yet have that nagging voice inside (always that voice deep inside) whispering that I don’t deserve to be paid for this, that I am not trained, that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m going to fail, blah blah blah.
You know the drill as well as I do and I fight the drill as well as you do. As I said, I keep going forward. It was a wonderfully huge thing for me to complete the brochure and put prices on my potential and get it in print. It’s there now, in black and white (literally). There is no going back. Just doing specials. laughing
So, the photography has consumed me with reading, buying supplies, learning to use my own camera in new ways, and finding bravery at every turn. I am working a lot at the office… every day but Thursdays (including weekends) and have three babies coming up that are due in December.
I had the three incredibly difficult (emotionally) births in September followed by my daughter’s wedding in October where I felt old and… old. I am a crone and it is so odd to realize I will never again have a child, nurse a child, or carry inside me the life that comes from the other side. It brings tears to my eyes as I write this. It seems funny, too, I am sure, since my youngest is almost 22, but it is now twilight and it REALLY is gone from me; there really is no more time for me. Kind of sad. Actually, bittersweet. There are definitely parts that are nice. We can afford a housekeeper now and keep the house the way she leaves it. laugh (We really don't have a housekeeper yet.)
In the meantime, both vacuums have died, *Partner*
Do keep in touch. I miss you.