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Wednesday
Nov152006

Letter to a Friend

Dear *Friend*

I am taking a few months off from school to focus on infusing *office* with some much-needed love from her mother (me). I have moved things around (physically) after some practitioners left and am opening a photo studio in-house as well as doing on-location photo shoots around town, at the beach and such. I am having a blast taking pictures of the kids and their parents from *office* and am venturing out with the help of those parents who are spreading my name to their kids' friends' parents at school and day care and such... very exciting.

I’m a tad skeered, but keep putting one foot in front of the other and it unfolds as it is supposed to. My brochures are completed today and I have appointments lining up for my Thanksgiving Weekend Special at the beach ($30 for a 20 minute shoot – 5 images on a disc) and I have been asked to do more birth photography and it seems the Universe is rewarding my asking for more money with giving me more money. I need to be more laughing and embracing of it instead of incredulous of her abundant gifts (as well as my own). I look at my photos and blink knowing I am really good at what I do, yet have that nagging voice inside (always that voice deep inside) whispering that I don’t deserve to be paid for this, that I am not trained, that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m going to fail, blah blah blah.

Ha!

You know the drill as well as I do and I fight the drill as well as you do. As I said, I keep going forward. It was a wonderfully huge thing for me to complete the brochure and put prices on my potential and get it in print. It’s there now, in black and white (literally). There is no going back. Just doing specials. laughing

So, the photography has consumed me with reading, buying supplies, learning to use my own camera in new ways, and finding bravery at every turn. I am working a lot at the office… every day but Thursdays (including weekends) and have three babies coming up that are due in December.

I had the three incredibly difficult (emotionally) births in September followed by my daughter’s wedding in October where I felt old and… old. I am a crone and it is so odd to realize I will never again have a child, nurse a child, or carry inside me the life that comes from the other side. It brings tears to my eyes as I write this. It seems funny, too, I am sure, since my youngest is almost 22, but it is now twilight and it REALLY is gone from me; there really is no more time for me. Kind of sad. Actually, bittersweet. There are definitely parts that are nice. We can afford a housekeeper now and keep the house the way she leaves it. laugh (We really don't have a housekeeper yet.)

In the meantime, both vacuums have died, *Partner* has taken a zillion business trips and I miss her very much when she is gone, I adore my clients, my apprentice, my friends and family, my doctors, writing when I get the chance and clicking, clicking, clicking – I worry the Universe might snatch midwifery away from me and force me into photography instead of it being a delightful co-profession. I shouldn’t worry, though, right? That’s just that whispering nasty person in there, right? Always trying to create doom and gloom where there is none?

Do keep in touch. I miss you.

Gentle hugs,

*Me*

Reader Comments (4)

oh buy your self a Roomba! I looooove mine!!!!

November 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I think of you often these days. In the moments of sheer chaos that four kids can bring. When I'm snuggled with my husband on the couch and there is a flurry of activity right in front of us and I feel all is perfect, I think of you and wish you were there. I know you would know just how to capture that beauty for me. In the early morning hours, as one sleepy child after another, pads into our room and quietly slips into our bed, I wish you were there to give me that peaceful moment to hold onto forever. It is not only your skill or knowledge of photography that makes you so good. It is your heart and your understanding of what a real family is that makes you so talented. I hope things work out for you with regards to your midwife practice. I know in your heart it means so much. However, I do believe that no matter what you do in your life, you will always be giving. You will always be making a difference in someone’s life. You have certainly made a difference in mine.

November 23, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCheryl Q

No matter what you write I enjoy reading you...

I'll be in touch about my trip.

Hh

I miss your blogs, hope you're doing ok.

November 29, 2006 | Unregistered CommentercreepyUCmama

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