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Thursday
Nov022006

Raw III

I was ugly at the wedding. My dress. My beaded headband. I ended up wearing my old pink Birkenstocks. I looked like a dork. I will forevermore have to suffer with pictures of me in a headband that was best left next to the sink and used for holding one's hair back (if one had hair) while scrubbing the face. The back of my head is bald and no one told me. I should have worn a hat. I should have been told how horrible I looked in the dress I chose. I should have been told how stupid and ugly I looked. SOMEONE should have taken me aside and said, "uh, darling/mom/hon/lady, you look absolutely ridiculous in that get-up. Go buy something NOW!"

Instead, I wince and weep as I look at the few pictures I have seen of myself already and will never, never show you all how stupid I looked. It's why I haven't shown you anything. Because I looked horrible. And I don't say that often. I am usually pretty narcissistic about how I look. Why, oh why, did I have to look my absolute worst at my daughter's wedding?

Her step-mother, on the other hand, looked like a gilt bird. I was a sparrow. With mange.

Reader Comments (10)

My monsters love sparrows. We now have a birdfeeder at our new house and they LOVE the sparrows... We have yet to see an ugly sparrow. Even the fluffy/rangy ones are beautiful underneath...
Now then, I thought you were a loon at heart. wink wink wink!
Missed you!
k

November 2, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermm

It sounds like you are finally letting it all out in your posts today. Good for you. Let your writing be your therapy, your healing. Sometimes, for me at least, it turns out to be a reality check that I hand to myself. I hope that you are gentle with yourself for the next few moments, days, etc. Remember, we do our best with what we have at any given moment.

November 2, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAngela Grace

OMIGOSH--I feel the same way about the photos I have of son's wedding the same weekend as your daughter's.

I just know the kids were glad I was there (and yours are glad you were there.) I keep trying to remember that I am pretty sure people were looking at the bride (who looked like a princess, just as your daughter did.)

I'm SOOOO sorry you are feeling so raw.

Hugs, Hh

Oh sweetie, that's just the now talking. Some day you will look back and know that you looked real and lovely, as you really are.

Love you so much!

I'm glad you're writing, worry about you when there is silence.

November 3, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjuxtafem

ok I want to see the pictures- I am not believing it is as bad as you say-- what does your daughter think? and if it was bad I guess your new son-in-law will not think you are so crazy now when you say you had a "shopping emergency"

all my kid's transitions have been bitter sweet- heavens I remember crying when they weaned- potty trained.. turned what ever age- it was always hitting me how they just kept growing- now I have salt and very little pepper in my hair- no grandkids- and still a busy life- but I do worry about what am I going to do. If I will be important and useful and loved--
now I say this to you as a complete midwife stranger who reads your blog all the time you are loved and you are important- now will you please do that give me 5 exercise- you need to remember the good stuff about you and put that black letter stuff on the back shelf please.

take care take care
anonymous S

November 3, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

When my daughter got engaged, I told her to be ready, that something was going to be terribly amiss that day she got married... something that would make her laugh and laugh 20 years down the road. Little did I know it would be ME! I laughed outloud when I realized that was going to be THE THING that she would laugh at.

"Mommy, what does Nana have on her head?" "Well, Nana worked really hard beading that and wanted to wear that." "But she looks like a dorkasaurus." "Yes, we know, but we love her anyway. She's weird."

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the comment that new husband most certainly knows now that there WAS an outfit crisis! There was indeed. See!!!!! There was! If she'd have answered the damn phone....

November 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNavelgazing Midwife

My daughter said, "You looked like YOU and I wouldn't have had you any other way."

She is so kind and knows not how to send her mother to the edge. :)

November 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNavelgazing Midwife

i felt the same way about my own wedding photos. all i could think of was, why didn't someone tell me how terrible i looked? how come no one offered to do my hair for me? wow am i fat!!!

i was sorta happy when they were all (the photos)destroyed in a flood in my mom's basement where i was storing everything when i was seperated.

November 4, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterhoneybeemommie

At my own daughter's wedding (9 days before Katrina struck)I wore a suit that was a size too big (bought too late to order the right size) which made me look bigger than I already am -- but I had no real choice. My hair was ruined by a hair dresser that I trusted -- she failed me at the last minute.

I decided that nothing would make me ruin that day and I did not. I wanted my daughter to remember being loved and cared for on her wedding day. I believe she did. I wanted our guests to have fun. I believe they did. The too big suit, the yeccky hair, the makeup that fell off my face in the heat mean nothing in the end.

November 28, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRose Marie

I hate the pictures of me at my son's wedding. And his wife's mother looked so elegant. I looked fat and silly. It was such a happy day for me, but I wince at the pictures I am in.

I try to accept it that I am in general pretty much NOT elegant and dignified!
Susan

August 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan Peterson

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