I have such a hard time dealing with people in my life who profess one thing and do another.
Speaking with a forked tongue, the Native Americans have been known to call it.
I try to live in integrity as much as I can even if that integrity is odd and somewhat confusing to those around me; I am always willing to explain.
For example: I own an holistic healthcare center, but had to (chose to) take allopathic medications for a damn long time to stay alive. I was bald for a few years and that was an outward indication that I wasn't living on homeopathy and herbs to treat my illness. I was asked all the time why I didn't just leave the medications behind and "believe" that natural healing substances would sustain me. My answer was that I chose to believe in the best of both worlds. That I believed that man/woman was wise enough to utilize ALL there was around him/her to get better and I felt it was stupidity on my part to turn my back on something as obvious as allopathy when it had the track record it did when the worst I got out of it was a bald head and some mucous membrane ulcers. (There were other side effects, but who needed to hear the litany of those?)
When the movie What the Bleep Do You Know came out, the push to throw my meds away amplified, but my resolve stiffened, too. Marlee Matlin's character might be able to throw her one pill an anxiety attack away, but she wasn't dying of a disease that kills 60% of the people who get it. I wasn't about to take any chances! It was always so easy to tell who had had serious illnesses and who had not. Those who had not were flippant and cavalier about "just throwing them away" whereas those that had walked hand and hand with death knew how to cling to the medications so tightly they could read the pharmaceutical company's logo on it as if it were Braille.
This doesn't mean that there can't be balance. Not at all. It doesn't mean I didn't do homeopathy AND Diflucan. Or herbs AND Acyclovir. It doesn't mean I didn't do pressure points while I was wretching my guts out while taking the Itraconazole. Aromatherapy was very important to me at many points along the way. (PLEASE do not bring lavendar near me.) Visualization was crucial every day and I know was key to the complete healing of my body and spirit. I couldn't have healed every cell without "seeing" myself healed. But I also used the meds to eat up the sick cells and it was a delightful game of PacMan (goddess love that game for sick folks to use as visualization!) inside my head that played for three years every day for hours and hours and hours on end - awake and asleep.
I don't see the oddity, you see. But apparently, enough people do that I am considered not holistic enough or not worthy of being considered midwife-y enough. And you know what? I don't care.
I watch from my well place and I know that people make their own choices in their own lives that I might not make and that's okay. I also watch from over here and smile knowing that some people who say that are all holistic and pure take antidepressants and heart medications and cold remedies and a plethora of other not-so-pure pharmaceuticals. We certainly have to watch what stones we are throwing.
I'm trying hard to keep my stones in my own yard. Again, I try hard to speak in integrity and not lie about what I take and do in my life. Yeah, I am a midwife who wears make-up tested on animals and wears leather Birkenstocks. I don't eat beef or pork, but do eat chicken. I consider myself Jewish, but am still not officially converted. I live with a woman, but consider myself 5% bisexual. I photograph a lot, but still need a lot of education and help. I am healed, but now need a whole new mindset to "see," so will begin a brand new visualization - one of wholeness and completeness and activity and so much joy my heart fills and overflows with it every single day.
Every person in the world feels my joy.
I spill it now.