- I had part one of a gnarly root canal yesterday. Part two is tomorrow. I can hardly wait.
- I had to change appointments around because of the unscheduled root canal work. I hate changing women's appointments unless it is for a birth. I try hard not to do it, but since I cannot talk without sounding like I have a wad of cotton in my mouth or wincing in pain, it's best I just stay home and yack here on the computer. When I'm awake.
- I'm working on an article for Midwifery Today on blogging. I hope to have it done soon.
- I'm letting my hair grow. We'll see how that works.
- I cannot stop itching. I want to flay myself and scratch deep inside my flesh. I want to cry I itch so badly. Combined with my sharp jump in cholesterol and the intense itching, I'm betting I'm having a liver issue or two. What do you think?
- The only relief to the itching comes from freezing it... ice. I sit with tied-off gloves filled with ice on my itchiest places. I have to force myself to take the ice off lest I burn myself. I just want to fill the tub with ice and lay in there until I am numb. Eyeballs aren't yellow that I can tell.
- If I end up lowering the Diflucan because of my liver, will my cocci titers climb again (as has happened twice before)?
- My family is partying that Castro might soon die. Isn't is strange to laugh and toast someone's illness? I've lived my whole life listening to how evil Castro is, how my family still left in Cuba would never be seen again - how wonderful it would be to go "home" to see their grandparents' graves.
Listening to the people on the news, I hear my family's speech patterns, their lilt, their dropping of the endings of words. Living in Southern California and learning my Spanish from Mexicans, I can barely understand my own ancestral people. They've always laughed at my Spanish, telling me I sound like a migrante and I reminded them, in Spanish, that they were also migrantes.
There comes a time when I wonder if any of us will ever not come from migrantes.
- I am so distressed over the Middle East, I just don't have the words or enough tears to describe the horrors. I wear a Star of David and, for the first time in almost 20 years, wonder, "Am I safe?" when I go out with it around my neck. I believe the violence has barely begun. And that terrifies me.
- MTV is 25 years old. Egads, I am old.
- My puppy has something wrong with one of his bones in his right rear leg. Surgery to fix it is tentative at best and painful, long and expensive. We're choosing to let him live on NSAIDs until he is hobbled and then will amputate his poor little hind leg off. I had nightmares about him for days before deciding to allow him to run happily and out of pain as long as possible instead of acting prophylactically and cutting it off. A second opinion comment spurred our decision to wait.
The vet said, "Sometimes, in really rare cases, the leg bone will grow really fast and catch up making surgery unneccesary." Alrighty, then. No surgery for our beautiful weiner pup.
(He's dashing about the house as I write... playing chase with our 5 year old lab.)
- I haven't been swimming in a few days and miss it.
- The client I went out of state to visit this past weekend is being forced to move 3000 miles away next week. I am so saddened because the home visit was so terrific and we all laughed and spent such a great time together. I loved her doula, her husband is a delight... her son the cutest. And now, she is moving away. I cried.
- I turned a client away because of a variety of reasons, one of which was the out-of-state birth coming up, but also because she had some very large challenges I wasn't up for working through. I tried to figure out a way to help everyone and it just wasn't right, so I let her know I couldn't be a midwife for her. I often feel like I should be there for everyone who asks... that I kind of set myself up as the midwife who will take the really tough cases... but sometimes I don't have the energy.
So, as I turned away one for the other, the other also disappeared.
I must have something going on I don't know about yet. I'll try and be graceful when I learn what it is.
- I'm tired. Going to lie down again.