Why did you have to make things so hard on my client? Why couldn’t you have just been kind and do your job without causing so much of a ruckus, as subtle as you think it was.
I get that you don’t have a fondness for midwives or homebirth, but to stonewall my client so many times, to try to manipulate her behavior with threats and out-and-out lies is inexcusable.
You caused my client to feel like she had no chance to turn her baby to the proper position. You lied saying “no face presentation is ever born vaginally” even though our doctor had just explained the difference between a mentum posterior and mentum anterior and that sometimes, when given a chance at non-intervention, babies can turn to the proper position. She knew her doctor didn’t lie, so that must mean that you did. It took a few minutes to get her to a place of believing that you didn’t know what you were talking about, that her doctor would not lead her astray by making her wait to have some inevitable cesarean just to be mean.
When my client confided in me that she couldn’t believe the words, “I want an epidural!” ever came out of her mouth, I began explaining to her that part of that was she was in a hospital and she knew it would be accessible there, whereas in the home, she wouldn’t ask for one because it wouldn’t be available. Your snorty laugh about my saying it was because we were in the hospital was uncalled for and unprofessional. We didn’t need your nasal commentary. I was soothing my client. Your job was to do the paperwork.
When my client came back in from her cesarean birth, you continued your run of snottiness and rudeness. Yes, it was mostly directed towards me, but they were caught in the undertow of your bitterness.
You had no right to manipulate the energy surrounding their decisions about the baby into your personal vendetta to get them to comply. They didn’t want you to poke their baby for a glucose test, told you they wanted to wait and think about it. Sure, your protocols are to do a glucose stick when the baby is above 4000 grams, but when a parent says they don’t want something – and obviously know what they are talking about – your job is to either have them sign AMA and then shut up about it – or just shut up about it without your own agenda smooshing around them, especially since they didn’t even have to sign any AMA forms regarding the test.
The penultimate insult came when my client, who had been breastfeeding successfully during your dinner break (when we had the marvelous nurse from another natural birth I’d done at your hospital) was made to feel perhaps she hadn’t nursed so well as you ignored, over and over, the comments that the baby had already latched on and nursed. You told my client she needed to burp the baby and switch sides. When it was made aware to you that my assistant and I were La Leche League leaders and we were happy to help her nurse, you put on gloves, came over to my client, grabbed her breast and began shoving it into the baby’s mouth. My apprentice tried to tell you she would help. I stated she could help mom nurse. My client even said, several times, “Let Donna do it. Donna can help me,” and all you did was continue to pull on my client’s nipple and my apprentice decided she wasn’t going to play tug-of-war with a newborn, so she let the baby go and we all watched as you struggled to breastfeed an already full baby. What made you think you needed to take over that situation? Why were you so hell-bent on being the one to help this mom breastfeed, especially after we listened to you complain several times about how behind you were in your paperwork? Why didn’t you just do your paperwork? What you did was bordering on assault. Do you realize that?
When my client explained they didn't want to bathe the baby, you tried, in several ways, to convince them they needed to. The most amusing way was explaining the nurses would be inconvenienced by having to put on gloves to touch the baby. Like that was going to convince them? Guess again.
Why were you so territorial? Did you think I was going to come in and take your job away from you? I didn’t even challenge your amazingly stupid remarks or block your attacking moves. I stayed in my place, tending to my client. Why were you so threatened by a lowly midwife? So flustered you don’t even remember if you zero’d the scale when weighing the baby? Why did you have to make it sound like no one knew anything, but you? What is in your personality that makes you think you are so fabulous and everyone else, even the doctor, didn’t know shit? Over and over, you showed your ignorance, your intolerance, your rudeness.
I knew it was time to leave when we were talking about the baby's resuscitation during the birth and you made a comment about a student respiratory tech being there. You left that comment dangling and I asked if the student was in charge of the resuscitation and you snottily looked at me and asked, "What do you think?" I knew the answer, and told you as much, but I needed you to tell my clients lest, for the rest of their lives, they wonder if THAT was the reason there was faltering at the bag and mask portion of the resuscitation. You turned to my clients and said, "No, the student wasn't involved." That's all they needed. There's nothing worse than having questions for a lifetime and not being able to have them answered. Your patience in answering them would have been much appreciated. Instead, your crankiness was unnecessary and noted.
Do you know how many times we rolled our eyes at you? Do you know how ridiculous you sounded? Looked?
I hope after this you have the beginnings of the clue.