Kristina tagged me a couple of days ago, asking me to honestly look within and answer:
5 Reasons Why You Blog
Because it's early in the morning (1:45am as I begin writing) and I'm sitting here letting Chuao Chocolate squares melt slowly in my mouth, I might be able to tap into the uncensored reasons why I blog... want to blog... need to blog... have to blog.
Let's see where my fingers go, shall we?
1. When I read Dark Daughta's blog a couple of weeks ago, I received an injection of strength and power - a reminder of why I wrote at all. In all this reading/listening to Self-Empowerment information, one recurring theme sings: If you had one week left on earth, what would you do with that time?
My answer is: WRITE.
If my answer is to write, then what the fuck am I doing wasting time not writing now? Why am I worrying about what this person will say or what that person might think? Why aren't I just speaking my mind like Dark Daughta and being brave and strong like she is? (Good Goddess, that woman is my hero!) How can I expect everyone to enjoy my words? How can I expect everyone to agree with me? How can I expect everyone to understand what I say?
So, why bother getting in a tizzy over it and just do my best and say my say and move on. Explain where I can, try not to hurt people's feelings and speak my truth.
So, #1 is I write to write. I cannot not write. I write on anything I find. Napkins, notepads, slips of paper, stationery, cards, my hand, my pants leg, sidewalks, the sand, in the air... and, of course, the computer. I write anywhere I can. I write compulsively, incessently, from morning until night. I have collections of notes from elementary school, love letters, stacks of hardbacked and spiral bound journals as well as reams of loose leaf paper with words clinging to them. The last decade has brought floppy disks (holding my words forever hidden), 3.5 disks (I don't even have a computer to get those words anymore, either) and now cd's - all stacking the alphabet like Jack's Beanstalk. Someday, someone might chop the thick vine down.
2. I write because I have so flippin' much to say! How come I seem to have so many stories? Doesn't everyone have all these hysterical family stories to share? Don't you all have "The Rat Story"? The "Stuck in the Bushes Story"? The "Lord of the Dance Story"? Doesn't everybody watch their lives unfold thinking, "How will I write this in my blog?" "How do I ask permission to share this in my blog?" "Won't this be hysterical in my blog?!?"
I do write hard stories, my stories, stories of others, stories of old and new. I am a storyteller at heart - have been my entire life. My blog is an extension of the fire pit... just reaches wider around the village... so I need to speak up louder.
3. I write because I have this severe ego issue that makes me think I have some real insight into midwifery that needs to be shared. Just because I've been around awhile, I think I have some things to say and this is my forum to say them. I do have a great range of experiences, so that does account for something, but sometimes, I do need to remember I am not nearly as experienced as many others out there. I am working hard on that humility thing. (I think I have that in spades at the moment... it's the OUT LOUD that I need right now!)
Midwifery is a hand-me-down profession and taking an apprentice allows us a limited amount of women to pass those skills on to. Blogging gives us noisy, writing midwives a way to share our knowledge with people with whom we'd otherwise never have contact. As blogging gets bigger, midwifery sharing will be even more grand since the information will overlap (the right/correct/good/safe stuff) or be seen as bizarre (the strange/wrong/unsafe/incorrect stuff) - and the (pseudo)cyber-apprenticeships will find their stable footing. Much is already being done in the newsgroup/list/forum arena, but the blog arena is still in its infancy.
4. I blog to leave things for my kids. I know that sounds weird and like they'd really give a crapola about my midwifery self, but maybe one of them might want to read something their mom had to say about her life as a midwife. I wish I could write other stuff that wasn't so baby-oriented... I don't know... spiritual? (isn't birth spiritual enough?)... but birth is what comes out, so that's what they're stuck with. My partner Sarah reads here off and on, but once I started writing more about birth, even she was pretty bored. Even if no one in my family... even if no one here... ever read, I would still write. But, I do hope one of them reads.
5. I blog to be read. Some of my writings have had to be pulled for legal reasons and I have been encouraged to write, but not put it out here. To be honest, it just ain't the same! I love Love LOVE to have my words here on my blog. I can't quite put my finger on the reason... again, Ego? Selfishness? shrug Who knows. I just know that when I am talking to you all, I feel much more satisfied than when I am just writing to no one in particular. Even if I am read by 5 people, I am thrilled that someone is reading. I've considered going seriously private, but I have really big issues with it. I need to stay this public, for pride issues. I do not want to be shamed into hiding again. I want to stand tall, holding onto you all when I have to if I get scared and just stay out in the open. But I want you all... and others... to read what I write.
So, as I continue finding my strength... and thanks to Dark Daughta for her powerful words that continue offering me hope and joy in her own strength... I shall keep blogging and also keep looking under and over and between the words at why I DO blog. Each day deserves its own inspection of why. If I ever have no answer, that will be the day I stop blogging.
I know that day is nowhere in sight.
Thank you for the challenge, Kristina. Much love to you for the nudge. (Congrats on the pregnancy, too!)
No tags. I'm heading to bed! (It's 2:37am)