What do we say when others blame us for their sadness, their hard times or their difficult births?
Do we accept their pain and wear it (as I have done so often in the past, but am not going to do anymore in the present or future) or do we allow them to toss it over us and let it slide down into the swamp drain around our feet?
In a childbirth class, a birth video was shown... not one most of you would know, but one that is beautiful and a nice homebirth... a woman spoke with the teacher afterwards and said that she was "traumatized" by the video. She said that she is able to watch horror movies and see people being flayed (she actually used more graphic terms, I am toning it down here) without any trouble and now, after watching that horrible video, the teacher has forever traumatized her regarding birth. She is definitely going to have an epidural now... no question about that. And it is all the teacher's fault.
The instructor, happily, is quite evolved and didn't grab ahold of her pile o'crap and munch on it like I might have not long ago, but instead told her that an epidural wasn't going to change where the baby was coming out and that whether she knew it or not, that was how birth happened before she saw the video. She smiled and hinted that she might be thankful to not have seen a REAL hospital birth (with vacuum, episiotomy, forceps, cesarean, etc. thrown in for good measure) video lest she truly discover the word "traumatized."
Are we who work in birth scapegoats for some women? Do we make it easy for them to abdicate responsibility for their own work towards the birth they want/need/will eventually own?
I find it an interesting concept, this "I have to blame someone" thing. It mostly is "me," but often enough is "you" or "her" that it bears discussing. I know that my introspection from all this "Secret" and "Law of Attraction" stuff has a huge bearing on my thought process, too.
If one person is thinking: I don't want to hurt her or anyone.
And the other person is thinking: I don't want to be hurt by her or anyone.
Is the reason she ends up being hurt by the first person because the Law of Attraction brought it on by both of them? I'd say, why yes!
(For those still learning about this, the reason is the Universe doesn't hear the "don't" part, it just hears the "I want to hurt her or anyone" and "I want to be hurt by her or anyone" so the pact was fulfilled by our constant visualization and repetition of our desire. This is the reason ALL wishes/dreams/mantras/thoughts/sentences/affirmations/etc. MUST be in the affirmative.)
Did the woman speak to the teacher the way she did because the teacher secretly feared a woman would someday tell her she was traumatizing her with birth videos? Interestingly, I asked that question and she said she never in a million years thought that would ever happen!
So, apparently, sometimes, women do come up with their own ideas and thoughts to hoist around for awhile. I suspect I have a ton or three m'self.
In The Four Agreements, it says "Don't Take Things Personally." This is a perfect example of that. I'm writing a long, long post about The Four Agreements and its relevency to my changing world right now, but this is exactly when it comes to dance on my head, 'round and 'round like one of those ballerinas in a jewelry box, pointy toes on my hairline at my forehead telling me "Don't Take Things Personally."
If I didn't take things personally, I could avoid so many emotionally charged arrows that come my way. I'd be a great dodger! I would shrug and look at people blankly and wonder why they were staring at me waiting for me to cry or scream or have a hissy fit. It would be so nice to not have knots in my stomach, not have my intestines rumble so angrily, not have my brows furrow with worry. It would be nice to be able to wear regular make-up, not have to worry about it blurring off with tears or smearing with the Kleenex.
If you didn't take things personally, how would things be different in your life?
I'm going to tell you how things are different in my life because of this new thought pattern.
I know it will go far, far beyond the make-up aisle.