- Aimee telling me about trying to call my dad’s house today:
“Mom, I keep calling, but the phone is disconnected.”
“Do you have the right number? It’s 407-*55-%4*5.”
“Yes, but when I call it goes ‘beep beep, beep beep’.”
“Oh, honey… you’re so cute! That’s a busy signal!”
“When a phone doesn’t have call-waiting, it gives you a busy signal.”
- My other daughter, a wedding planner, had a disastrous wedding this weekend. If you weren’t the bride, some of this is hee-sterical.
Apparently, the manager of the location had a bug up her butt about my precious child, not seeing why the bride wanted a wedding coordinator and was doing everything in her power to destroy the wedding.
-- The outdoor location wasn’t sprayed as was in the contract, therefore there were bugs everywhere. When it came time to cut the cake, it was “sprinkled” with tiny black bugs. My child tried to scrape them off, but the bride saw them first and had a COW and wouldn’t eat even one bite of her wedding cake. Apparently, the guests thought the chocolate sprinkles were delish and devoured the cake. (Child o’ mine is going to get the bride a new cake for after her honeymoon.)
-- When everyone was sitting down to dinner, the bride came screaming her head off from over the hill. My daughter ran to her side as the bride was screeching about “A bug! A bug!” A bug had gotten onto the bride’s dress and was crawling up her leg… and found its way into her UNDERWEAR! My modest child had to dig around in the bride’s chonis to extract the huge beetle.
-- The manager decided she was going to help the bride cut the cake, but that is my kid’s job as the wedding coordinator. As daughter approached the cake table, the manager of the location thwapped my daughter’s arm –with the serrated cake knife!!!! She now has serrated scab marks on her arm. The security guard was notified and the woman was escorted out.
-- When the bride and groom got ready to go to their room, the manager re-appeared and said they couldn’t stay there. My daughter, who wanted to choke and cuss out the woman by this point, merely smiled and said, “No problem!” (which infuriated the manager!) and she got them a limo to another hotel and a room there.
-- My child has SIX PAGES of transgressions so far and will be discussing what to do next once the bride is back from her honeymoon. The mother of the bride said she would call when she “recovered.”
Some is funny funny – and other parts were just so funny because my dad is dying and we needed a huge laugh to keep it in perspective. I was so proud of my child for keeping her cool and she said it was a HUGE lesson for her. I told her, “How philosophical of you!”
- I had a client have an NST today. The nurse, an L&D RN who's been off the floor for the last 6 months, made snide comments about homebirth (which my client is NOT having) and then natural birth after my client said she was, indeed, going for an unmedicated VBAC. "You know those BRADLEY people? We always said you should just stamp 'CESAREAN' on their foreheads. It was a big joke for us." She went on to rag on birth plans off the internet (which, as you regular readers know, are not my fave thing either) and unrealistic wishes. "Why are they in the hospital in the first place?!" Great question. I didn't engage her loads and when I asked her if the couple and I could have some private time behind the curtain after the successful NST, she said, "Sure!" and charted just on the other side while I did a vaginal exam for my doula client.
I shook my head and chuckled about her natural birthing attitude, knowing it is the norm in L&D's around the country. Sad, but true.
However, my own daughters made the whole day just great! I needed the laughs.