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Transition (before my birthday)

I've been all wigged out about my 50th birthday coming up on Tuesday (the 29th) and now, all the angst has shrunk to near nothing because my sister, 18 months younger than I, lay dying, across the country, surrounded by my family and lifelong friends. For a variety of reasons, including the committment to bring in life, I am holding vigil here in San Diego. Holding the space.

Amy's been sick for a very long time, so even in denial, her dying isn't a total shock. It's awful and painful and excruciatingly sad, mainly because she's leaving two girls who don't have fathers in their lives. I am in that place of "What more could I have done?" The real answer is, "Nothing." And that's sad, too.

So, I'm supposed to be writing a piece for my birthday... I interviewed J.D. Kleinke, the author of "Catching Babies" and am supposed to be working on that, too... and a slew of many other pieces that are partly/half-ly written. But I'm not.

Add to that, some window opened and allowed an awful virus into my computer and now most of my photos are gone. I've got someone set to do a Search & Rescue Monday, but I have to say, as devastating as this would have been a week ago, it pales in importance to sitting quietly and "talking" to my sister who's barely alive on a ventilator and who's organs are failing, two at a time. I just can't get that upset about it anymore.

My birthday piece might have to wait. Will probably have to wait. Know, though, that it's finding form somewhere deep inside... in places that aren't crying. And that isn't a whole lot of places right now. 

 My baby sister Amy and her precious daughters.

Reader Comments (14)

I am so sorry for your sister's illness. I'm sending you my thoughts for peace and gentle transition into and through what will be <3

March 26, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterZoie @ TouchstoneZ

Hugs for your family.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterManapan

I'm so sorry to hear that Barb. Hugs!

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBanana

I have seven sisters and the thought of losing any one of them is terrifying. I will keep you and your sister in my prayers at Mass today. May you feel as much comfort as possible. And have great support getting through the difficult time now and the times to come.

Love, Heather

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

So very sorry to hear about your little sister - what a loss.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDiana

Sending you lots of love. Death is beyond hard. Take good care.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterRachel

My heart goes out to you and your family. Death is never easy, even when it takes away someone's pain and is expected. ((hugs))

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSummer

my condolences. I don't know what to say or if there is any help I can offer. I am in SD, so if there is help you need, let me know.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterLauren

Love and Light to you and your loved ones. <3

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCriri

I'm very sorry to hear of your sister's situation. She and your family will be in my thoughts.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenny

Prayers being said, candles lit......for a peaceful transition and healing for all left behind.

March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterColleen, LM

Praying peace and comfort to you and your family. May there be a blessing in all this somehow. I cannot imagine...


March 27, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDawn

Barb, so so sad. I cannot imagine. The computer will wait...take this time to just be good to yourself.

March 29, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterhousefairy

Thinking of you and praying for you this morning.

March 30, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterElly

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