My scar is never visible to me and is almost completly faded. My last cesarean was almost four years ago. I have a flap of skin from the 1st cesarean that covers it only to see if I look at it in the mirror. The physical scar doesn't bother me, I can touch it and look at it with no problems. It's the emotional scar that weighs heavy on my heart.
The second picture of me and my second son I can't bear to look at without crying. I have oxygen on because I was throwing up from the spinal. I can hardly see him because I was laying flat and not able to move my arms without them getting heavy and falling on me. I had to have help holding him, it wasn't a natural process. I can say though at least I have pictures. My first delivery wouldn't allow a camera into the OR so we have no pictures of his first cry, his weight check or anything else in those first moments.
Even though those emotional scars hurt I am so happy to be who I am today because of them. I would have never been an ICAN Leader had this not happened and never been able to teach so many women about birth and the amazing process it CAN be! Never would have been so happy to have a baby vaginally...naturally, I will never take that for granted.
My first picture is of my scar and of my pregnant belly too, this baby will be brought up to Mama by Mama and not by surgical staff or a doctor.