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Cesarean Scar: Kim - 11/11/05

My name is Kim, my surgical birth was on 11-11-05. I do not have a picture of my scar, I don't know what my scar looks like, and I don't touch it.

I was pregnant and in my 30th week of pregnancy with twins. At a "routine" appointment, I was told that the babies and I were in a great amount of danger and I could not go home, I was told I had HELLP. I spent almost a week in the hospital on a half dose of "mag" when the window began to close. I was informed that the time where I was healthy enough and the twins were big enough was getting smaller. I was transfered to a different hospital, my contractions "broke through," my water broke, and baby A began to deliver breech; rapidly. I was taken into surgery, given an ineffective epidural and surgery began. I could feel the cutting, began screaming and was then basicly paralyzed by medications and fear. I was in a twilight state and have a small memory of the babies being held above the sterile field, they were then taken away to the NICU. It was a week before I held my boys, I had complications from the epidural and complications from the complications. The surgical birth was the most horrific event in my life. I don't believe I gave birth to the twins, I feel they were taken from me. I had a very hard time bonding with them in the begining, the NICU made it harder. I know I was pregnant, but really they could have been hatched.

I don't touch my scar, it hurts often, aches or burns, I stay way from the scar.

My boys stayed in the hospital for 4 and 5 weeks, I was able to get them off of the formula and were 100% breast fed until solid food was introduced. They continued to breast feed past their 1st birthday. They are not behind too far in size and are up to speed everywhere else, minus slight speech issues. The older 3 kids love the boys and everything has come full circle, better than I would have dreamed.

But my scar is something I do not and can not visit.

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