38 weeks with my second child and 18 months after my first c section
12 days pp from my second c section
My first c section was horrible cold and sterile although looking back I was more accepting of it (maybe because I didn't know any different), my partner held my hand and I cried the whole time. I had been given too much in my spinal/epi and I was numbed up to my lips unable to move my arms , my blood pressure spiked and I wandered in and out of consciousness . Finally things levelled out and I was left with a massive headache down half the side of my face. The doctor didn't announce that my son was about to be born the last thing we heard before he was rushed over to the warmer was "oh there's alot of fluid" then my son screaming. I remember trying to turn my head to see him but even that was hard as I was just so numb.
My partner went with him over to the warmer and cut the cord (which I didn't get to see) and then he was briefly brought over and I was told I could kiss his head , I wanted to hold him but I couldn't move my arms. Then my partner and son were taken away to another room and I was left in the operating room for 45 mins listening to my baby scream in the next room while he was poked and jabbed. Finally in recovery i was handed my son i could move my arms by this point. My son was placed on me and my breast shoved hastily in his mouth by a nurse he wasn't interested. I ended up staying in hospital 6 days with a infection that they couldn't explain, my son had issues holding onto his blood sugar levels and the nursing staff gave him formula so in the end he wasn't interested in breast feeding and after everything I had been through neither was I .
My second pregnancy was a breeze also; I didn't even get morning sickness. When i started going to my antenatal appointments around 20 weeks It was noted I wanted to try for a VBAC at every appointment when I would ask questions I was told different things so subconsciously I probly knew they would never actually let me try. I go to my 38 week appointment and I'm told the head is now not engaged and there is a risk of the cord being lower than the head, I'm told they will give me a week to go into labour on my own and the schedule a c section for 39 weeks. I had educated myself this time i knew better i wanted better but in the end I gave up fighting.
This c section was wonderful I was lucky enough to find myself a dr in a week (family friend) He was great he let us take the sheet down and take photos he even let my partner watch over the curtain and they chatted away at he was performing the procedure . We got to see my daughter be born out of my stomach, as much as I didn't want another c section this was as close as I was going to get to my perfect birth and I'm very appreciative to my wonderful doctor for giving me that. This c section went as well as I could have hoped yet it was harder to accept my belief for this is I think it could have been avoided altogether.
When I touch my scar it is tender at the moment as its only 12 days old, I think it will heal physically before I heal emotionally I'm thankful both my babies are healthy and safe. I just wish I didn't feel like my body has failed me twice over, I never experienced labour not one single contraction I will never know what childbirth feels like.