Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 02:56AM
When I look at my scar I have mixed emotions. At first glance, I think...ugh, what an ugly scar. But then I remember what that scar brought...my beautiful, healthy, baby girl. Without this scar, I may not have my sweet Hope. That's when I feel appreciation for it and wear it like a badge of honor. However, a cesarean was not what I had planned. It was not the way I wanted to bring my daughter into this world. I wanted the perfect, natural birth...my "fantasy" as my husband calls it. I don't feel my c-section was necessary and seeing the scar reminds me of how I got robbed of my "fantasy".
When I touch my scar, it is still tender. I still have a tingly sensation there. I even feel a bit numb around it. I don't know when (or if) that feeling will ever go away. As I journey towards a VBAC with my next daughter, touching the scar brings me strength. It is a symbol of where I've been and where I'd like to be. I will have a natural birth. I will have a VBAC. This scar will forever be proof that I did what most medical professions say I cannot. I did what I wanted, what I know is best for my daughter, and achieved my fantasy birth.