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Tuesday
May012012

Cesarean Scar: Sarah S.

My little boy was breech.  We tried everything to turn him, chiropractic, acupuncture, yoga sequences, positive thinking, visualizing, you name it.  We attempted an external version at 37 weeks which instantly put my baby into distress. The midwife and doctor stopped the procedure and the baby and I were monitored for two hours to make sure that he and I were both okay.  

When the midwife told me "it is time to choose a birthday," my heart sank.  I was devastated that I wasn't going to have my beautiful natural birth I had been preparing for and terrified of the prospect of abdominal surgery.  I cried daily for over a week but slowly came to embrace the certainty of it all.  I was able to find a cat sitter, let my work know when my last day was, and do a deep clean of the house to welcome the little one, etc. 

The day of the cesarean, (3/1/10) I was 39 weeks.  My husband and I spent the morning relaxing, watching the news and just being together.  The nervousness didn't kick in until we got to the hospital and both had to get dressed in our fancy birthing outfits.  Being in the experience, we were so scared considering neither of us have ever had surgery before and didn't know what to expect.  I felt like I had no control, like the birth was happening to me, instead of being a part of it.  However, in retrospect, our little man came into the world with his parents holding hands with intense eye contact and repeating how much they love each other in the most calm way imaginable.  It was just my husband and I.  No one else was relevant.  

The month following Owen's birth proved to be one of the most joyful and sorrowful of my life.  My Dad was diagnosed with ALS the August before and he passed away on March 31, 2010.  I can't tell you how many times since then that I have looked at my baby and was grateful for the manner in which he came into the world.  My Dad was able to see him, hold him, and love him for a whole month.  Had the baby gone to term or even worse, been 2 weeks late, that would have been less time for my Dad and baby to have been together.  

So, what does my scar say to me when I look at it...that my Dad and first born son were able to meet and spend time together.  I have a "tattoo" of March 2010, which I am proud to wear.  I will never forget this month.  

What does my scar say when I touch it...nothing really.  I am more preoccupied with the excess baby weight then the purple scar.....and, that there is always a VBAC :)  
 

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