Cesarean Scar: Kay

My first cesarean scar would have a different story- a sad, traumatizing tale resulting in months of awful postpartum depression and over a year of blaming myself for my first sons “unnecesarean”.  But this is a  story of my second scar! 

When I look at this scar, it says to me “Hey mama, you ROCK!”  After a horrible birth experience with my first son, resulting in a c-section, I had no doubt when I found out baby number two was on his way that I wanted a VBAC!  I had my midwives and a Doula, and my awesome husband for support.  When labour arrived, I was so excited and so ready!  I was not expecting a repeat of my first sons birth- so when the same things started happening the second time around- I was determined to do everything I could to make sure this baby had a chance to come out vaginally!  I got to 10 centimeters...I pushed for hours but my baby kept pulling out of my pelvis.  I danced, squatted, did lunges…pleaded with my unborn son, please come out baby, please!   Watching my belly…seeing his little butt snuggle his way into my ribs…just like his brother had done 22 months prior…I felt peaceful.  My baby wasn’t going to come out the way nature had intended.  He just didn’t fit.  My first son just didn’t fit- IT WASN’T MY FAULT.  My first sons entire life, I blamed myself for  his traumatic birth thinking things like “I didn’t try hard enough”, “It’s because I got the epidural” “I didn’t give him the best chance to position himself correctly” and now…my second baby who definitely had the “best chance to position himself correctly” wasn’t coming out either!  I leaned back in my bed and told my midwives “I’d like to have a c-section please!”  Peace washed over me.   My son was born shortly after…it truly was a very empowering experience!!    

When I touch my scar, it reminds me that I *am* a strong woman.   I grow beautiful babies!  Baby #3 is due in 5 months and I am so excited to meet him!  Even if our first meeting is in the Operating Room!