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I asked folks to “Toss Me: A Birth-Related Word” on my Navelgazing Midwife Facebook Page and “Baby” was the first word. Here, I’ll use the words as springboards from which to jump.


Today I had a baby. 28 years ago today, I had my baby Meghann. At home. An unassisted birth. If I stayed in that moment, it was amazing, empowering, glorious and triumphant. I hadn’t yet looked back to the carelessness of my actions, how I’d come so close to losing my newborn girl. Then, I was high as a new mom could be with joy and love. She was huge! I’d pushed for two hours and had this ten-pound-plus child out my vagina, knowing she would have been a cesarean if I’d have been in the hospital. I’d done it! I had the homebirth I ached to have.

I held my new baby to my breast, feeling how fat she was, next to my own fatness and you could hardly tell where one of us ended and the other began. She smelled so good. So raw. We didn’t bathe her for days and days. We smooshed her vernix into her skin, finding stores of it in her (copious) creases.

Even almost three decades later, I can feel her in my arms. I know now that memory will never leave me… and I am so thankful for that. That I can feel the weight of her body in my arms, feel the way her hand wrapped around my forefinger and see her eyes as she looked into mine.

Baby. My baby. I had a baby. Baby, Mine. I love my baby. I loved kissing my baby. I love you, my baby girl.

Other words I’ll jump off of:

  • Cesarean
  • Primal
  • Placenta
  • Mucous
  • High
  • Open
  • Trust
  • Fecund

And surely many more.


What I've Seen Up to Now

In Wherever You Go, There You Are, by Jon Kabat-Zinn, in the chapter entitled “Mt. Analogue,” Kabat-Zinn says: 

“In a way, that’s all any of us do when we teach. As best we can, we show others what we have seen up to now. It’s at best a progress report, a map of our experiences, by no means the absolute truth. And so the adventure unfolds.” 

This is a great way to describe why I write. 

Thought I’d share.



After I wrote “Hiatus,” I really delved into why it’s fairly easy for me to yack and share my thoughts in Facebook, but it had become so hard to do here. What I came up with was interesting. 

In Facebook, I feel like I’m mingling at a party, moving from person to person or even group to group (depending on how many people are participating), talking informally to each one. Not being more important than anyone else, each person’s opinion heard and validated. I can be humorous, snarky, sympathetic and respectful there in a way that mimics me in real life. 

However, here on the blog, I feel like I’m standing behind a podium, speaking to an audience and what I say better be earth-shattering… or at least good. That feeling has gotten uncomfortable and I’ve felt stilted and stifled in sharing who I am, the original purpose of the blog. 

So, I’ve decided to go back to the reason I started writing in the first place… to share ideas, to discuss them and to have a good time with my writing. I’m going to write more like Facebook and hope others will participate like the women do over in that corner of the Net. 

We’ll see if the mental removal of the dais helps the words flow better.