Thursday, May 3, 2012 at 02:10AM
I had a Caesarean birth in May of 2009. . . since that day all I do is hope and pray that one day I will get give birth the way I always want to. Intervention free. (HOMEBIRTH!)
Every time I look in the mirror at myself and can see the scar I am reminded of that day I "gave birth" to my son. I love him no less, but I will never feel the closure needed to get over it. I recognize that it is a nice scar. It isn't all evil and scary looking. It healed nicely and is fairly straight. It does not completely disrupt my flow, but the mental notes attached to it are overwhelming. I remember the feeling of not having any control while in labor and now I have a scar to prove it. It makes me angry. I wish it weren't there. It's my battle wound.
I barely stand the thought of being touched on or around the scar. It is terribly uncomfortable. Some parts around the scar are completely numb. Severed nerves. Makes me sick.
It's unfortunate that I feel so badly about the way I "gave birth". . . it is what it is, I guess.