It is so painful to be watching the fires rage through the county where I live again. We've been told this is at least twice as bad as it was 4 years ago.
Four years ago, the fires were across the street and the bulldozers carved gashes in the dirt, bringing the deadly coccidioides immitis spores up from the dirt and into the air where I breathed them and contracted Disseminated Coccidiomycosis and lived on fluconazole (Diflucan) for three years and Acyclovir for two years, dealing with incredible pain, spinal meningitis every 6 weeks for over a year (until the Acyclovir came on board), baldness from the fluconazole, skin sores that were the hallmark of disseminated cocci that wept and caused even my pillow case's pressure to make me cry.
I was pronounced "in remission" several months ago... I say I am cured.
These fires scare me.
I had to go out this morning and get gas, but I am back in the house, hunkered down with the puppies, house slammed shut, air on re-circulate, my oxygen tanks sitting next to me (I'm having a hard time breathing because of the smokiness, even in the closed up house) - I am doing everything in my power to stay away from bulldozers.
The fires are several miles from me, but they are on the streets of clients. One of the streets named is a client I helped have two babies; I can't reach her. Another client owns horses and they have been evacuated to the Del Mar Fairgrounds, which is now full. Another client has moved to her beach house. Others are going to family homes north, others, towards the coast.
My office is in the line of fire. My sister-in-law went in this morning and took the server, some important papers and irreplaceable pictures of the kids on the walls and is heading back home. I wish she hadn't gone in at all. I was on my way in, too, but Sarah stopped me. I wanted to grab the client's charts. She said, "If they burn, they burn... nothing we can do about it." I cried.
So, I'm watching the news sporatically. Enough to keep informed, but not enough to make me crazy. And I promise to stay away from bulldozers, take tokes off my oxygen periodically (thanking goodness they are full and I have two of them!) and do some writing. I'm keeping busy... doing laundry, the floors, reading... and working on work stuff.
Good thoughts are welcome.
Southern California needs them.