I got to the hospital and they wanted to actually make sure my water broke because I had no pain. I had to wear a thick pad and walk the halls. My husband had me laughing and water was just gushing out. About an hour later, I had to show the pad, which was drenched and bloody. Then a resident wanted to check me. She took a sample of the fluid and came back and told me that my water didn't break. I told her yeah cause of the gushes I was having. She wanted to check me again, she was between my legs and told me to push. I pushed so hard and sprayed all over her! HA. THEN, she comes back and tells me that my water STILL hasn't broken!! WTCrap! They admitted me anyway. I didn't even have all my stuff cause I figured they would send me home.
I walked the halls…..walk….walk….walk & walk and NOTHING!! I sat on a ball, nothing! Was having very mild contractions but no biggie. I even said "if this is what contractions are, I can do this NO PROBLEM", then I said "I know I will eat my words later"!
They gave me a Cervidil. Contractions were coming more frequently still, the pain wasn't that bad. I was told the next morning that I would be induced. The rest of the night, I had little to no sleep. The contractions kept me awake.
Jan. 27th, they gave me the evil drug pitocin and was on my way! Boy, did I eat my words! I was dilating SOOOOO SLOOOW and was in SO MUCH PAIN!! I was given Stadol. Just took the edge off, still felt the contractions. They kept checking me and wasn't really dilating!! GRRRR!!! I was doing good with the contractions, THANKS to my mom!! She and I had eye contact and she was breathing with me. She was my focal point and what we were doing was definately working!! My midwife told me when I get to 4 cm, I can get a epidural (YEY) hours passed and I was checked, I was 4!! YEY well, so I thought, she wouldn't let me have one. WHAT?????
I begged for a c-section! She was like "no, you can do this". I begged for anything! I got NOTHING! One nurse was horribly rude to say the least. I looked at her and said "it just hurts so bad", her reply "what did you think was going to happen???", WHAT???? GRRRRR!!!
Hours and hours passed, I was checked, I was 5 (YES, only 5) FINALLY, they gave me my epidural! The BEST invention EVER!! Hours and hours passed again, they checked, I was FINALLY ready to push. I pushed, pushed, pushed for 2 and 1/2 hours, no baby. They told me I was going for a c-section, BUT they never turned off the pitocin. My mom freaked out, my sister called the hospital and screamed at the nurses. It was shut off then I was off to the OR for a c-section.
While laying there, I was cold and SOOOOOO scared! I was shaking uncontrollably. They were ready to start. My arms were not belted down like I'd seen on TV and they kept shaking off the table. I kept asking for my husband and finally he was there by me. I felt them cut me. I told them, they said "we didn't tell you that you wouldn't feel anything", WHAT?????
So, Leah was born Jan. 28th. First word out of the doc's mouth was, "WOW, she is a big girl!". They showed her face over the drape and went to clean her up. I told Don to go take pics. On the way back he said he saw all my innards! (ha-ha) They weighed her right in front of us as I was being sewed and stapled shut. 9lbs, 13.5ozs, WOW she was way bigger than I thought! Was bigger than what all the docs thought also. I just couldn't get her out! TOO BIG!! BUT I had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl.
The rest of my visit was horrible. I didn't get to shower till the next day. Don actually washed my body while I stood there in horrible, awful pain! I ended up staying at the hospital for 4 days after giving birth. My aunt worked at he hospital as a lactation consultant, which was great. She tried to get Leah to latch, wasn't having it. I had to pump then bottle feed her. I told my aunt my birth story and told them that I had a horrible experience and that I will never give birth in the hospital (thanks to the nurses) and never have the same docs again! She brought in the head of the hospital to talk to me. She wanted the names of the nurses (I had other rude nurses, and I couldn't remember their names!) and to write a letter to the hospital. I never did. But I will never have a baby there again!! Horrible hospital!
A week later (yes, a week later) they wanted to take my staples out. Few days later, was at the ER. I had an infection that luckily, I caught early. The staples were taken out to early, but I didn't know. Horrible doc!!
So, even though I had a horrible hospital issue, what my scar says when I look at it is "even though you didn't have a vaginal birth, its amazing that your body carried a baby for 9 months and still gave birth to a healthy happy baby. It doesn't matter how she was brought into this world, she is here."
What my scar says when I touch it is "we brought Leah into this world together. You didn't give up, I am here cause you needed other assistance bringing her into the world".
I have no bitter feelings toward the scar. I rarely touch it though. It is hard, bumped out and numb. Sometimes it burns or feels like it's being ripped open. I am ok with it. It's a part of me. I think it as a gift from my daughter that I will have forever. I would do everything all over again… well, almost everything.
21 months post-cesarean