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Cesarean Scar: Sarah

What does your scar say when you look at it?

My scar says, "I am unnecessary. I am a result of lack of knowledge, fear, betrayal, and lack of support. I made you feel disconnected from your babies and lonely in pain. I am embarrassing and ugly. Don't show your husband or anyone for that matter. Hello mom jeans and goodbye bathing suits. Have sex in the dark, always."

What does your scar say when you touch it?

"Don't touch me."

My story... the quick version.

#1 - I was a first time mom with a big baby and an OB who recommended a cesarean. I trusted her.

#2 - VBAC attempt at a "VBAC friendly" hospital. I carried my baby for 41w5d. I was packing my bag when I get a phone call from the hospital telling me to go elsewhere for care - they would not support my VBAC, if I walked in there I would have a cesarean. I went elsewhere...it was a dead end.

#3 - Planned HBA2C. I went into labor at 41w3d and my 3rd son was born in the water at 1:14am on Mother's Day with his daddy catching. The birth was beautiful and healing in many ways. I was supported and I found out that I am stronger than I ever imagined.

I am scarred, but not broken.