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Entries in Proud of Scar (4)

Wednesday
May022012

Cesarean Scar: Kay

My first cesarean scar would have a different story- a sad, traumatizing tale resulting in months of awful postpartum depression and over a year of blaming myself for my first sons “unnecesarean”.  But this is a  story of my second scar! 

When I look at this scar, it says to me “Hey mama, you ROCK!”  After a horrible birth experience with my first son, resulting in a c-section, I had no doubt when I found out baby number two was on his way that I wanted a VBAC!  I had my midwives and a Doula, and my awesome husband for support.  When labour arrived, I was so excited and so ready!  I was not expecting a repeat of my first sons birth- so when the same things started happening the second time around- I was determined to do everything I could to make sure this baby had a chance to come out vaginally!  I got to 10 centimeters...I pushed for hours but my baby kept pulling out of my pelvis.  I danced, squatted, did lunges…pleaded with my unborn son, please come out baby, please!   Watching my belly…seeing his little butt snuggle his way into my ribs…just like his brother had done 22 months prior…I felt peaceful.  My baby wasn’t going to come out the way nature had intended.  He just didn’t fit.  My first son just didn’t fit- IT WASN’T MY FAULT.  My first sons entire life, I blamed myself for  his traumatic birth thinking things like “I didn’t try hard enough”, “It’s because I got the epidural” “I didn’t give him the best chance to position himself correctly” and now…my second baby who definitely had the “best chance to position himself correctly” wasn’t coming out either!  I leaned back in my bed and told my midwives “I’d like to have a c-section please!”  Peace washed over me.   My son was born shortly after…it truly was a very empowering experience!!    

When I touch my scar, it reminds me that I *am* a strong woman.   I grow beautiful babies!  Baby #3 is due in 5 months and I am so excited to meet him!  Even if our first meeting is in the Operating Room! 

Wednesday
May022012

Cesarean Scar: UK Reader

Dear Barbara, 

Thank you for your site, it gives me the power to share my story, and it even made me cry; the sad stories of the mother who werent as lucky as me and lost their babies. My heart goes out to them. 

I will try and be as articulate/concise as possible... 

MY Scar 

It is almost five years to the day that my scar decided to become part of me. I refer to it like a stranger, as i can still remember the time of navel gazing youth when i would look down to see smooth milky skin, and a flat tummy. 

I did not expect to have a C-section, and i wasted an inordinate amount of time planning how to deal with natural birth; the breathing, the positions, the gadgets, every possibility covered except one... 

I think i read all but two paragraphs on the way i actually gave birth, before having that slightly scary chat with my lovely surgeon a little after midnight. The surgery was i guess as good as it gets ( i don't really have a comparison)  the way i describe the feeling is; you (i.e. the patient) is like a handbag, and the surgeon is like the person trying to find their keys inside that bag. 

Anyway, I got through it with the help of partner and family, and low and behold there was a little baby boy hiding inside me! He is now a fully formed personality worth every single millimetre of my rather dramaticly red scar. 

I went for a check up the other day, and the doctor i saw was rather surprised at the redness/angriness of my 5 yr old scar. My feelings are mixed; partly worried it will make me less attractive to those i wish to seduce, but also partly proud, like a war wound, I suffered but i overcame it; a winner in the end. 

Looking at other peoples' scars they are all different, but they are definately not signs of failure. They are signs of how strong women can be, and what lengths of love & battle they will go to for their children. Thank you all for sharing.

Wednesday
May022012

Cesarean Scar: Peggy

My son was born November 21, 2009. After 12 hours of labor and progressing to 6 1/2 centimeters, my OB told me the baby had not budged an inch! She'd checked me numerous times over the course of the labor and he was still as high up in my belly as he had been a month prior to my water breaking. I like to think he was just 'comfy'. She told me if it were up to her, she'd do a C-section. She said she'd done lots of natural deliveries that she regretted, but never a C-section that she'd regretted. That sealed the deal for me. The only things holding me back from being completely on board the Cesarean train were my own fears of having surgery.  I was being selfish. After thinking about it for an hour or so, I told the doc to go ahead. If it was best for the baby, then who was I to complain. Before I knew it, I was in the OR... and then the recovery room... and I was holding my 8 pound little pumpkin. He was perfect. My recovery from the C-section was smooth but painful, as to be expected. I made midnight calls to the "on-call" emergency OB twice in the couple weeks following the delivery and both times, I was pretty certain that I was dying.- And of course I was told that the symptoms I was having were in fact normal. They were right. When I went to the OB for my 6 week post partum check up, my body had healed nicely and my son is almost 2 years old now and my scar has all but vanished. I'm currently pregnant with my second little boy and will be having a repeat C in 3 1/2 weeks. I'm nervous but excited. I have faith in my doctor and I know that she will take the absolute best care of me. My second incision may leave a scar more permanent than the first, but I don't mind. I'll wear it with pride. Bring it on!

Tuesday
May012012

Cesarean Scar: Stacey

 

My scar shows almost 7yrs of trying and close to giving up to have a baby. It shows the joy the day I found out I was pregnant, the joy I found it was a boy, and the Joy of him coming into this world. My scar shows my preggo belly was so big people could not believe i was carrying one baby and i still was a long way off from having him.  It also says my water broke on its own, I labored with love for 25 hours with only to making it to 3cm. My scars says I tried hard to have in naturally but between having a flat pelvis and a baby with a very big head there was no way he was coming out with out help. It says when he final arrived he showed up with a grumpy look on his face. My scar shows I did a great job carrying for him while he was inside my warm and safe body and now it was time to show him the world. I hate that I still look like I am pregnant even a year later, but I would not trade my scar to redo having my son. I wear the scar with pride just like a great battle wound. It has been almost yr since my son was born and my scar has healed nicely and you can hardly tell it was there. But I know and I have pride in it.