I received this deeply touching comment to my Transition post, the piece I wrote about my former mother-in-law and her walk towards death. Abuela has not died (yet), but she shall any moment now. Her son, my former husband Bo, is by her side, loving and touching her as she slowly slips from this world into the next. His comment was so beautiful, I needed to share it as its own post.
Continued love and prayers for a peaceful transition are welcome.
Thank you for the wonderful words. I'm a practical person as you know. I don't get hung up on a lot of things and I realize that this "transition" is necessary for all of us. A few weeks ago my mother told me: "I don't understand why dying takes such a long time, I never thought it would take so long."
This made me think of something as she now refuses to eat and is slowly decaying and degrading. I can't tell you how many people have called me and asked if there isn't anything we can do for her. People call and pray with her saying that God will make her strong again and she will recover. Some can't understand why she doesn't have a feeding tube! Some can't understand why we can't prolong her... life? No.. I would say death!
It seems that we as a society are so adverse to the death "transition" that we are willing to delay it as long as we can. Even if it means dying longer. But why ask about a feeding tube? What would a feeding tube do for my mom right now? As you pointed out, an active woman who never stopped. We used to call her the energizer bunny. At 75 she would put any of us into shame by running circles around us. She doesn't want to prolong her death. How else would you refuse to eat for more than a month? It is a testament of her strength and will. If I don't eat for a day, I get VERY UGLY!
In this process I had long hard thoughts about my ultimate transition. Where will I be? What will my kids think and do? I've thought about the next step for my mom and the aftermath. When she passes, what will people expect? I know she hated funerals. I don't want to mourn as much as I want to celebrate her beautiful life. I don't want to wear black, I want color, because she brought so much color into our lives. She has touched so many people. So many people who I don't even know call me to say that she was like mother to them.
So right now, life for her seems to be just the breaths she is taking... but those breath taking moments are still there when in her frail condition, she still manages to work a smile or open her eyes.