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Entries in vaginal tear photo (1)

Sunday
May192013

Oubli's Vaginal Tear

I was asked to share a different kind of birth scar story, different than the usual cesarean scar stories I share here. I welcomed her re-telling of her birth... and share it here with you all.

My Birth Scar

My pregnancy and birth were uneventful medically, textbook in every way - except the tear. In the standard lithotomy position in a hospital with a CNM guarding my perineum, my labia minora split horizontally in two as my child entered the world.

Cue the inept stitch work from a CNM who had too many patients and was in a huge hurry. Not enough stitches were used and days after I was discharge the too few that were there snapped while ambulating. Suffice it to say my labia didn't heal correctly, it didn't heal together, two pieces of flesh cleaving and fusing as it should have. A trip back to the CNM the next day and I was told, "There's nothing we can do, it's a purely cosmetic issue now - deal with it, you are wasting our time unless it's infected."

I hate my wound, for a long time I couldn't bear to look at it or touch it. It makes sex less enjoyable and sometimes uncomfortable (the skin flaps get grabbed by my DH and pulled inside during thrusting) and gynea exams just aren't as much fun as they used to be *snark*.

I call it a wound because I am still wounded by it, although it has healed. To add insult to injury I cannot get it repaired until after I am done child bearing, as plastic surgery on that delicate area has the same risks as Female Genital Mutilation.

Here's why I feel I need to be done childbearing beforehand - "[I]n nursing school I helped out at the delivery of a woman who'd had labiaplasty several years before, and holy shit. It sort of, um, shredded. One of the most horrific things I've seen in my career. It took them a really long time to sew everything back together, and I have a feeling she would have happily gone back to some slightly asymmetric or (gasp!) flappy labia if she could have."

http://jezebel.com/5402091/report-vaginal-plastic-surgery-has-same-risks-as-fgm

Other sources about vaginal rejuvenation or vaginoplasty, includes info about labiaplasties.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8352711.stm

http://www.acog.org/~/media/Committee%20Opinions/Committee%20on%20Gynecologic%20Practice/co378.pdf?dmc=1&ts=20121129T0006283149

I fear that if I get it fixed before I am done child bearing it won't stretch properly, as scar tissue is inelastic and it may pop again creating a far more terrible tear in the same place. Even if I do not get it repaired I still worry about it tearing in the same place and becoming a vaginal wall tear. I never feared child birth before but this tear makes me rethink having more children.

4 years after the the initial tearing, it's hard to watch my birth video because of it, I resent my midwife for the lithotomy position, I resent my daughter (a bit) for causing it, I can't masturbate or have sex without touching/thinking about it (usually negatively), when I shave I have to be extra careful not to nick it as it protrudes further than the other side. Oh an did I mention that my stitches didn't completely dissolve, every few months I feel like I'm being stabbed from the inside out as bits of stitch work make their way to the surface and have to be delicately removed. I used to think my vulva was gorgeous and now it looks and feels sad all the time. My scar is still very much a wound that hasn't healed.