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Entries in vaginal tears (1)

Thursday
Mar172011

Materna Medical "Device"

Okay, before continuing to read, head on over to the company’s “Survey” and then come back; we’ll compare notes. 

(Ammendment: They took the survey down!!! Wahhhh! [3/17/11])

Done? Did you spew coffee or tea all over the screen? 

For those of you who didn’t follow the rules (you rebels, you), here’s the gist of the device. 

“Materna Medical is a new medical device company that has developed a device that may be able to decrease some of the damage that is often created to a mother during childbirth.” 

The device, as they obtusely describe it, would be inserted into the vagina during labor and slowly, over a couple of hours, “dilate” (open/stretch) the vagina… not the cervix, the vagina… to, hypothetically, limit tearing during the birth of the baby’s head. 

Not kidding. 

Looking at the device (surely, prototype), it’s hard to get a grasp on what will inflate and how. It does say the doctor or provider (cough) will have control over the inflation. Excuse me?! Oh, that’s right, they’re use to having control with their hands all crammed inside during second stage anyway, so why not attend to second stage while first stage is still going on? Expedite things, right? 

Sorry, couldn’t resist. 

Taking the survey was a hoot, but only if it’s not serious. They ask if we could pick the color, would that influence our using it. I’m not kidding. (And those who know advertising know this happens all the time.) I told them swirly purple and fuschia like my favorite dildo, that it might help me think of something positive instead of a “medical” device in my choo-chatch. 

What are your thoughts? (I know, they can’t be good.)